Great essay here by Andrew Lam, editor of New America Media and contributor to Where Are You From. In the essay, he writes about telling his parents that he’s going to study writing instead of medicine, and how America helped him find his bliss. Check it out.
My paternal grandfather’s baccalaureate took him to Bordeaux to study law, and when he returned, he married the daughter of one of the wealthiest men in the Mekong Delta. And for Vietnamese in America, education is everything. So, for someone lucky enough to escape the horrors of post-war Vietnam and be handed through the hard work of his parents the opportunity to become a doctor, to say “no, thank you” was akin to Confucian sin. By refusing to fulfill my expected role within the family, I was being dishonorable. “Selfish,” more than a few relatives called me.
But part of America’s seduction is that it invites betrayal of the parochial. The old culture demands the child to obey and honor the wishes of his parents. America tells him to think for himself and look out for number one. America spurs rebellion of the individual against the communal: Follow your dream. It also demands it: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
I wonder if there is a difference between Asian ethnicities when it comes to how we view the arts. I remember my podcast with Hertsel, where we talked about how Chinese these days often don’t respect the arts. It looks like Andrew Lam’s family finally embraced his art. I saw a video with Ocean Vuong (not Frank Ocean, who had the misfortune of being Chris Brown’s latest victim), where he said that his parents and grandparents saw art as sacred. I don’t know if that happens as often among Chinese families. Andrew’s essay is interesting because he too addresses the culture in Vietnam around art and literature.
Anyway, if you’re an Asian American writer, go ahead: be “selfish.” Life is too short to waste on someone else’s goals. Seriously, you could get struck by a car tomorrow. Killed in one of America’s now-frequent shootings. Dead from a disease. Make the most of your life. You only get one.
I think it’s hard for young AA’s to be “selfish” when the parental support (moral, and maybe financial) is not there. Confidence does wonders. Americanized parents are good at telling their kids – “you’re awesome. you can do anything. that’s great honey!” as their 20-something yr old kids are still job hunting or in the 8yr college program. Asian-ized parents are good at saying “you can’t do that. I don’t believe in you. are you crazy?! You’re gonna end up working at McDonald’s if you study that…”
Finding that balance from your parents is key – and difficult. And almost impossible from my parents’ generation. And maybe impossible for me as a parent too? I vacillate between a very Asian extreme and American extreme in how I think I want to raise my kids. I do know that I want them to have confidence (just enough), loads of self-reliance as I don’t want to support them financially as adults, and plenty of common sense, but still able to hold onto their dreams.
I’m not Asian, but I’ve always wondered, how many of these issues are Asian and how many are Asian immigrant? What I mean is, I imagine Asian people who are willing to uproot everything to travel to a country with a drastically different culture and language must be a lot more success-driven and afraid of ending up poor than Asian people who are comfortable in their homelands and never immigrate elsewhere. Is this hostility by Asian parents toward their kids’ trying diverse career paths as pronounced among Asians in Asia as it seems to be among Asian-American kids and their immigrant parents?
@Ricky Raw, off topic, but is that Hendrix in your avatar?
also, is it perhaps a cultural norm where collective decision making is predominant versus a perhaps more western one where there individualism seems to be more prevalent?
Yes, it’s Hendrix. Also, I honestly don’t know, but I’m guessing the collectivism versus individuality issue must be at play. This is something I’m curious to know more about as well.
I always suspect, although honestly I have no proof of it, that the collectivism versus individualism dynamic between east and west may be a little oversimplified. I’m sure in many visible ways we in the West are more individualized, but I’m sure there must be some aspects in which we’re actually more conformist and collective-minded than Asian culture. Again, I have no hard proof of this, but the current wisdom just seems a bit too pat and convenient for me.
off topic again: I love Hendrix….my fave is the live concerts from the Fillmore East with Band of Gypsies. And the bootleg Sotheby Tapes. Some of the riffs and licks he pulled out of the air are just ridiculously insane in a how-did-he-come-up-with that way
Also, don’t know if it’s in the mindset of some of these Asian families to always emphasize financial stability and that’s why going into something like the arts is discouraged. See, the thing is, you can go into the arts, but you don’t have to be a performing artist or anything. There are jobs that can let you be involved in the arts without becoming the starving artist.
My interest in Jimi is twofold. First, I love his music too. Second, I resemble him to the point I was once him for Halloween.
Yes, you and I know the reality, but sadly a lot of immigrant parents’ views of these things are very rigid and antiquated. For example, my parents are Caribbean immigrants and they still believe not only that anything outside of hard sciences or law is a ticket to failure, they still believe that all doctors, lawyers, and engineers are guaranteed to be well off. Just like they can’t grasp that being a doctor, lawyer or engineer isn’t a ticket to security anymore in the modern world, they can’t fathom that some people actually get security or success with off-the-beaten-track or artistic careers.
So I agree with you that the view that artistic career automatically equals fast food employee is not one based in reality, but if Asian immigrant families are anything like mine, they may be out of touch with a lot of the real-world career realities out there today.
I think you’re pretty much spot on Ricky.
@ Ricky Raw,
pretty cool! do you play guitar too? That would probably blow everyone’s mind to see you playing these Hendrix riffs! Jimi was the shit, the real deal. the ONLY deal; never be any one like him.
anyway, back on topic. Yeah, I think some parents don’t realize that you could go into law and become an entertainment lawyer or something, representing bands or other performing artists….you could still make a good living and still be CONNECTED to something like the arts.
I do play guitar, but very very terribly. What would really blow people’s minds is to see the strong resemblance, but with such terrible playing skills haha.
I agree on how you can work a job that’s a fusion of a “square” job and a “bohemian” job. I imagine as long as it has “lawyer” attached to the job title I imagine that would be enough to please most immigrant parents. I also imagine there are many children of immigrant parents who REALLY want to enter into the arts who take jobs in the corporate world but related to arts as some kind of compromise measure to please their parents who would never support them becoming FULL artists.
Bryon,
This is what happens when an Asian American (especially a guy) wants to do something that is interesting and ends the way he does. A underpaid history professor who goes on Food Stamps.
http://chronicle.com/article/Video-Now-That-Im-Relevant/131805/
One of the saying that my parents taught me in Chinese: If you want to eat salty fish, than you should be able to endure the thirst. But most Asian parents would not be so sympathetic.
I think you need to be more positive, but I approved this last comment just because I’m a sucker for Chinese sayings.
Byron,
You want me to discuss something positive here. Ok, I think you’re a lucky guy who is associated with 2 metropolises with well known aerial tramways that other American cities do not have. So let’s get into the prestige factor between the two systems and how each would affect a person applying for a tramway operator position. Better yet, the applicant is an Asian dude looking for work in Japan (a country with many aerial tramways). And this guy loves his job and finds it interesting.
The Roosevelt Island Tram system in NYC, which runs from Manhattan to Roosevelt Island (a small island sandwiched between Manhattan & Queens) is the 1st known commuter aerial tramway in America. People used it to travel to and from work. Other than this, it becomes a tourist attraction. Roosevelt Island has a sizeable Asian population, and expect more of us to live there in the coming years. As you can see towards the end of youtube video, there are Asians entering the tram station on the Roosevelt Island side. Cornell University, your Alma Mater wants to build a campus there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxMU9raE6X4
The Portland Aerial Tram is the second one. It is used mostly by commuters, just like the one in NYC. It connects from the South Waterfront district of Portland to the Oregon Health and Science University. I don’t know much about this tram since I’ve never been to Portland. Maybe you can fill in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dg0pd_eNFWI
This is a better comparision video of the Portland Tram with the Roosevelt Island one. Both filmed on a very sunny day. Portland is known for its overcast, not that grey skies isn’t a common thing in NYC.
Portland Tram from OHSU to the SW District:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb8TxryZjnc
Roosevelt Island Tram from Manhattan to Roosevelt Island:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxMU9raE6X4
The Portland Tram rises to a whopping 500 ft. The Roosevelt Island Tram reaches only half that height. 500 ft is just frightening if you ask most people. The Portland sytem travels on a “clothesline” direction, which the Roosevelt Island tram used to run. They recently upgraded them so the 2 cars operate independently of each other.
I think a city like San Francisco and even LA should implement aerial tramways to alleviate the congestion and inconvenience in certain areas, where people need to commute. At the moment, we are in an enviable position of having a great way to get to work.
You see Byron? What did I say about this guy?
Haha!
To tell the truth, I’m a bit burned out by reading his stuff. About 40% of his posts get approved. I’m trying to be fair to him. I think he may just not be capable of posting positive stuff other than about the OHSU tram.
Chr,
To be honest, I think I only know a handful of people who have ridden that thing (since it only leads to OHSU, and one typically can’t use it unless one works at OHSU). I don’t see any Asian connection or “doing your own thing” connection here. But that’s okay, Chr. It’s all good.
Bigwowo wrote:
Haha!
To tell the truth, I’m a bit burned out by reading his stuff. About 40% of his posts get approved. I’m trying to be fair to him. I think he may just not be capable of posting positive stuff other than about the OHSU tram.
It’s actually kind of sad. And the guy really wonders why people don’t treat him very well. Again, he’s the guy who’s got herpies telling everyone else around him has herpies. This post says a lot about the guy. The saddest post I’ve read in awhile.
“I don’t see any Asian connection or “doing your own thing” connection here. But that’s okay, Chr. It’s all good”.
Bryon,
You wanted me talk about something positive here, a change from my constant negativity on this site.
I realized you are concidentally associated with 2 cities with an aerial tramway system, and your alma mater is also involved indirectly with one of them. Your former hometown of NYC has the 1st tram system and your current residence with the second one. So is this worthy of discussion, and how is this an Asian connection with relating to doing your own thing? I don’t know anything about the Portland Tram. But now that you’ve mentioned its limited capacity and its exclusivity use, which keeps the public away, and where I have been reading how it was not well received by its city residents, we should not talk about it at all. But the Roosevelt Island Tram is worthy of discussion and there is an Asian connection. This tram provides commuting service for many Asians living on that tiny strip of land. It could be the reason why Asians (and also non-Asians) would even want to move to Roosevelt Island in the 1st place; there’s something charming about those gondolas or cabins floating in midair from bustling midtown Manhattan to a quiet sanctuary where Asians can have a peace of mind and call home. I’ve also seen many Asian tourists ride those things back and forth with joy. Midtown Manhattan, where the tram is located, is also where a small Japanese district is at, which serves the needs of many Japanese residents living in NYC, including those in Roosevelt Island. Many Japanese go there for groceries and then hop on the tram to head home. The Japanese would probably be the 1st group of Asians to embrace this technology since Japan is country known for aerial trams. Sure and behold, when the tram was upgraded 2 years ago, the Japanese media was very excited and all were invited to “test” ride the new system before the public could use it. Besides the Japanese, there are many Koreans and Chinese living there. Your Alma Mater, Cornell University also wants to install an engineering and science campus on the island. So what does this tell you when it comes to the type of students it will be attracting? In regards to how this relates to doing your own thing? There have been a few Asian businesses opening on the island, and I expect more will come into existence in the near future.
Perhaps other American cities can learn something from this.
“Yeah, I think some parents don’t realize that you could go into law and become an entertainment lawyer or something, representing bands or other performing artists….you could still make a good living and still be CONNECTED to something like the arts”.
From a realistic standpoint, if Mojo is talking about Asian Americans becoming entertainment lawyers, what is the likelihood of a Hollywood actor or a popstar hiring one of them as their attorney? Asian Americans are vastly underrepresented as lawyers in more well practiced and pragmatic areas, and entertainment law would certainly dictate they would not be in this field at all.
“But part of America’s seduction is that it invites betrayal of the parochial. The old culture demands the child to obey and honor the wishes of his parents. America tells him to think for himself and look out for number one. America spurs rebellion of the individual against the communal: Follow your dream. It also demands it: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”.
Andrew Lam is right, but he is also wrong. He is denouncing a system that would guarantee him a much greater chance of happiness. Talking about biting the hand that feeds you. It is the parochial pragmatic mode of thinking that have given Asian Americans a sense of financial and career security. By entering pragmatic fields that pays well, Asians would not be in predicament of being on welfare, or in dire situations where they are struggling to pay bills or put food on the table. The critique is that Asians should follow their dreams and make of their most of their life. Yes, this should be the case, but in many instances, money is the instigator of actions. Without it, it’s hard to pursue your dreams, especially your are an outsider looking into a White majority society. Asian Americans who tread the unconventional way will also have some explaining to do with their fellow Asian peers (majority who are earn decent money by following their parents ideal that getting a good education and a good job is the most important thing), who would not be so easily moved or supportive of them.
From a realistic standpoint, what are the chances that Chr can see things that defy his negative worldview?
There is a world beyond your isolated bubble of Manhattan or NYC where other Asian Americans are doing the things you feel they can’t possibly do or succeed at because they’re Asian. That’s not to say that there aren’t obstacles in their way. But they don’t have to live up to your expectations or definitions of what entails success. They go about living their lives, pursuing their own goals and forging their own paths, no matter how bumpy the road is.
Chr will never see the light.
Also, apologies. I’m so burned out that I didn’t read Chr’s full comment before approving it.
Mojo,
Justin Lin is perhaps the ultimate Asian American “do your own creative thing” kind of guy. He’s sort of a successful movie director who produced several high grossing films such as Fast and Furious and Fast Five. Unsurprisingly, his low point was his debut indie film starring an all out Asian American cast, Better Luck Tomorrow, a low grossing movie which also attracted very few AA viewers when it first came out (only about 25% of the viewers were Asian). Further, he was criticized for portraying AAs negatively because he ruthlessly butchered the model minority image in the film by portraying all the characters as misfits and sociopaths. It is believed he was offered a large sum of money to starred an all White protagonist cast instead, which he turned down because he wanted the world to see AAs in a different light. This being said, an Asian American who wants to be successful in the creative world will have to cater to a White mainstream, who may or may not consume his/her work with appreciation. They are enough White people out there who will do that, and as an Asian, you will have to be exceedingly exceptional to get any of their attention.
“Chr will never see the light”.
Bryon, I just critique the staid Asian American world and ALSO the poor reaction from it. It’s one thing to rebel against your culture/upbringing where you can change and improve it, and it’s another to foster a sense of hostileness and avoidance towards it. Many Asian Americans whom I’ve encounter belong in the 2nd camp, where they want to be seen as “White” or do things as “White”. The poor reception from AAs of the Better Luck Tomorrow movie is a good example of this. Many AAs see themselves as if they are White consumers, and their lack of support of this movie is a testament to it. Most Asian American artistic types are out there to dabble their abilities/talents with the White world, and not with their own.
Mojo probably wants to learn how to play the guitar and he only admires rock musicians from the Western world. He should know that the world full of talented ass kicking musicians beyond the isolated bubble what we called North America.
My favorite rock band are these guys from HK. Hands down, their talent, music and genre is the best in the world. They can play anything from hardcore heavy metal – Iron Maiden songs to cheesy pop that many Asians like to hear. There was a rock critic from Israel who is a big fan of rock music from non-Western sources, and he said these guys are by far the most talented rock musicians out there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-8WYHak76U&playnext=1&list=PL0774EF95EE63B751&feature=results_video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf2LjCvIva0&list=UUYZvumGmUPx21NRwds_ChJQ&index=40
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAdcLHvZXiQ
Chr wrote: Mojo,
Justin Lin is perhaps the ultimate Asian American “do your own creative thing” kind of guy. He’s sort of a successful movie director who produced several high grossing films such as Fast and Furious and Fast Five. Unsurprisingly, his low point was his debut indie film starring an all out Asian American cast, Better Luck Tomorrow,
Who gives a flying f**k what other Asians are doing? You control your own life. You’re in America, not some war torn country. Stopped reading his post after seeing him analyze this whole thing like some big nerd with too much time on his hands.
Reading his stuff, you would think Asian Miscegenation laws were still in effect.
And he fails to mention Ang Lee who has won 2 Oscars for directing. No African American has ever won one in that category and a woman won just recently.
Oh right, there is a conspiracy from the Liberals trying to keep the Asian man down.
But guess what, an Asian man successful in the main stream media isn’t going to help an ugly person get a white beauty queen. I’m sorry. That just isn’t going to happen.
Bigwowo
Chr will never see the light.
His life sucks cause of him. It has nothing to do with being Asian. I think deep down he knows that. No one else on this blog talks like him. There isn’t a single person in the history of the blogverse who needs to get laid as much as Chr.
BTW, only a big loser would continue to post on a blog that moderates him. I would have left after the first deletion. But then again, if he did what I did in life, he wouldn’t be such a whiny little bitch. The social media age, things that go on definitely parallel real life.
Chr wrote: Unsurprisingly, his low point was his debut indie film starring an all out Asian American cast, Better Luck Tomorrow, a low grossing movie which also attracted very few AA viewers when it first came out (only about 25% of the viewers were Asian).
His stuff gets more absurd by the minute.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_Luck_Tomorrow
Hmm, a budget of $250,000 and a total gross of almost $4,000,000? It made 16 times of what it cost? I’ll take that low point any day of the week.
This was his lowest point.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annapolis_(film)
Yes, you got that right. A movie that had mostly an all white cast. It lost the studio millions.
Again, for an accountant, he doesn’t research or crunch numbers very well.
As mojo and I said long time again and again. He only wants to see what he wants to see which is the negative stuff while ignoring anything positive.
BLT got Lin noticed by Hollywood who let him do a big budget film after that. If they were racist against Asians, they would have never let him do another film again after “Annapolis,” a studio bomb.
Yawn. You’re boring.
Also, Asians have to take a part of the blame themselves when Asians aren’t cast. When Sung Kang got a chance to be in a big budget Hollywood film. None of the Asians who whine about shit went out and watched it. All they could say is how bad the film is.
Here’s how to do it.
Asians need to make better Indy films w an Asian cast that can appeal to mainstream. Not just crap about some interracial stuff with some white girl or guy. “Shanghai’s Kiss” or anything Bigwowo has mentioned. BLT was the closest thing we’ve seen so far. A big success.
They need to go out and support films featuring Asian American stars in non stereotypical rolls to show Hollywood, these people are a viable option to cast.
I bit the “bullet” and watched that film. It had an Asian guy who was cool and got the only girl at the end. Everything you whiners complain about constantly yet ignored this film.
And if Tyler Perry can make horrible studio films and get groups to watch. Why can’t we?
Moro,
Yes, I’m tired of his schtick as well. It’s best to just ignore him and not take the bait and get into his twisted worldview. It makes no sense….did you catch this part or did your eyes glaze over and you bypassed it?
He wrote: ” Without it (money), it’s hard to pursue your dreams, especially your are an outsider looking into a White majority society. Asian Americans who tread the unconventional way will also have some explaining to do with their fellow Asian peers (majority who are earn decent money by following their parents ideal that getting a good education and a good job is the most important thing), who would not be so easily moved or supportive of them.”
Explaining to do??? Every person I know who’ve forged their own path would respond with a terse, “Fuck you”. They don’t owe anyone an explanation for the career path or life goal they chose unless it actually demeaned or harmed their community.
And just where is the panel of judgmental Asian peers? It looks like it’s only Chr with his delusional judgmental negativity and automatic gainsaying of anything positive that any AA does.
Byron, you know what to do—-Moro and Rags have told you already. How many positive posts have we seen?
@ Mojo
Nah, I barely glance over his stuff. But what he wrote is idiotic. Let’s just say he’s one of those people who just don’t “get it.” I’m guessing he thinks he’s one of those dream pursuers he mentions and now is rationalizing the reason he has no friends at all is cause Asian Peers are shunning him.
The real reason is cause he’s ugly, boring and repetitive. Funny though, you can do something about all three things I mentioned but it’s easier to blame stuff on being Asian.
Imagine hanging out with this guy and him bringing up the subway system as something interesting to talk about. Chr = the common cure for insomniacs.
Mojo,
See here:
http://www.bigwowo.com/2013/02/should-we-be-getting-away-from-focusing-on-jobs/#comment-171060
Mi casa es su casa, and my vacations are Chr’s vacations.
Quotes from AAs regarding doing your own thing:
“But part of America’s seduction is that it invites betrayal of the parochial. The old culture demands the child to obey and honor the wishes of his parents. America tells him to think for himself and look out for number one. America spurs rebellion of the individual against the communal: Follow your dream. It also demands it: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”.
“Anyway, if you’re an Asian American writer, go ahead: be “selfish.” Life is too short to waste on someone else’s goals. Seriously, you could get struck by a car tomorrow. Killed in one of America’s now-frequent shootings. Dead from a disease. Make the most of your life. You only get one”.
The brilliant and late Steve Jobs said it better: Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary… almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.