The thread about Universal vs. Desperation Morality is moving towards a discussion on whether men or women have advantages in their dating interactions. I think it’s a good topic to debate, but it’s separate from the main topic of how desperate people act.
Here’s my view on the new topic–in our society, men have the advantage, even though it doesn’t guarantee that men will have successful dates in all circumstances. The reason men have the advantage is that they get to ask first. They choose the time in which they ask and the speed at which they move, and when they get a date, they get to choose the time, place, and venue. Men in general don’t have to worry about physical safety when they go on dates, which results in considerable peace of mind that women don’t have the privilege of experiencing.
When a guy approaches a woman, he has all night to think about how he’s going to do it. Even before he even knows of the woman’s existence, he has the ability to plan. When he sees a woman across the room, he can move whenever he wants. A woman, on the other hand, has to make a snap decision on how to react on the spot.
Let’s clear things out of the way–just because a person has an advantage, doesn’t mean a person will win every time. Sure, women have the ability to turn down a man. Sure, they make the ultimate decision. But men still have the advantage because they get to act instead of react.
It’s like a game of chess. If you play White (and therefore move first), you have an advantage. Statistics show that the odds are slightly in your favor if you play White. Wiki estimates it at 52-56%: not a huge advantage, but enough to confirm that it’s real. (You also have an advantage if you play White in the Asian dating game, but that’s a whole different discussion).
The same analogy holds true in fighting and boxing. Quinton Jackson had an advantage over Liddell because he set the tone by moving forward. Liddell had no idea what hit him. Evander Holyfield stepped up with Iron Mike because he stepped forward instead of running (although his technique was kinda dirty). Jon Jones surprised Jackson by taking an aggressive wrestler’s stance and jumping in for a takedown. The guy who initiates the pace has an advantage. It doesn’t mean he’ll always win, but the odds are in his favor.
The same analogy also holds true when we talk about racism. If you’re not part of the mainstream group that makes decisions, you may find yourself reacting to what the mainstream says about you. If you’re in reaction mode, you don’t get to set the speed, venue, or timing. You are therefore at a disadvantage, even though you can still win.
(pic from here)