A female reader sent this one in: Korean Females Eye Foreign Husbands. (I mention that the reader is female just to let y’all know it’s not one of the usual IR gang.)
I think the writer is reporting something that we’ve known for a while. Jump over the Pacific, and certain stereotypes rein supreme across the board. It’s like that in Japan, China, Korea, and just about anywhere you see people with black hair (well, not in Zimbabwe under Mugabe, but you get what I’m saying…). Check it:
“I was upset about Korean men making chauvinistic remarks, that women are supposed to be coy and kind and that it’s even better if [a potential marriage partner] is younger, pretty and knows how to cook,” she said via e-mail. “ I have never heard the foreigners I’ve dated say such things.”
Could it be that these foreign dudes are making chauvinistic remarks in English…which this woman from Korea doesn’t understand?
On a serious note, my question is this: If you look at Korean or Japanese media, the guys are hella romantic, much more so in my opinion than guys in Western media. I mean really…people all over Asia watch Korean dramas because of the romance. If Korean guys are so bad, how do they come up with all those romantic K-dramas, music videos, etc.? Can they be that bad?
I will say this in defense of these women. When I was in Japan, if you were an unmarried woman over the age of, say, 30, people would refer to you by some pretty mean names. I don’t remember what they were. It was something like “fruitcake;” it indicated that you were something that nobody wanted.
Opinions?
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I agree with everything you said. About #1…I think...
Maybe foreign [American] guys are just more politically correct. There are a lot of men in the west who might think similarly, but who have simply been trained not to SAY so.
On the other hand, male chauvinism is something that makes the rounds through different cultures at different times and at varying levels of intensity. It is *possible* that chauvinism is currently higher in Korea than in the west, but people often perceive the slights of those of whom they are closely associated and project their hopes upon those more distant, and beyond direct and daily observation.
Another thing–I’m not sure if chauvinism or masculinity or any of these other culturally determined characteristics necessarily operate on a one dimensional scale. Opening a door for a woman, for example, might be construed as chivalrous to some. To others, it might seem sexist.
Per my MIL, word on the street regarding my husbands unmarried cousins in their late 20′s up to early 40′s (he has around 8 aunts and uncles who have kids) that only a handful are married. She said there are more women than men in Taiwan but the male cousins all show their parents pictures of models and want their parents to find women for them that look like that and don’t really on their own. I hope that this is an isolated situation because that’s really not a good way to conduct one’s dating business. Not every guy is going to get ZZ with and MBA, let’s be realistic here. I also ran across some random article about Taiwanese men going to Vietnam for brides from poor villages because the women in taiwan were too westernized. I hope that’s isolated, too. My husband then earned himself a dirty look by saying that he would have gone back to Taiwan to date if he had known about the favorable gender ratios and lackluster competition. I say the same thing about Man Jose so I’m not better I suppose.
Just three comments on an IR post in one 24 hour period? This is a record. Well, the weather in Portland hit record lows yesterday, so I guess it’s fitting…
Zoopath, I’ve never been to Taiwan, but your observations are in line with much that I’ve heard about the island.
This may be a generalization, but I observe my sisters’ white boyfriends being romantic in stupid ways, like getting a $300 hotel and roses-on-steroids when everybody’s a poor college student. Or a lot of random Tiffany’s jewelry. And they are all timed precisely to be remitted to the girl on nationally-recognized holidays. Almost gives me the impression that they do this knowing the girl will talk about what he did for so-and-so occasion and he wants to make sure what he did out-does what all the other girlfriends’ boyfriends do. You know what I mean? There’s almost a purpose behind it, to look good to others.
Asian men for the most part don’t do that. I don’t think for a second of his life my (Asian) husband has ever cared whether he “looks good” to others in that way. Maybe because he’s just confident that he is, end, period. Anyway, Asian men tend to buy practical gifts, and they buy them when you need them, not timed to coincide with some holiday. I get gifts from him when I need something and don’t have it or he sees a great deal on discount online. (And he has no qualms bragging to me about how cheap he got something for; he’d never overinflate the price and lead me on to believe he spent more.)
I will say this, though. Asian men tend to TALK in line with what the women cited in this post say. They will talk up a storm of machoism, that the girl should be like this, and like that, she should do this for him and that, but when he actually gets into a relationship with a woman he loves, sit back and watch him wake up at 6 am to prepare her breakfast in bed and for all intents and purposes treat her like a queen.
If judging by words, you may find that white men are a lot more skilled at charming Asian women to believe they would do all of the above and more. I’ve never exactly had an Asian man sit there and sing praises of my wonderfulness, but if I needed a kidney, not a word would be exchanged, he’d just go right ahead and give me his.
Oh, and the whole “want a younger, prettier, sweet and docile wifey” thing is hardly an exclusive Asian male phenomenon. Hardly.
Let’s cut the bullshit about how “foreign western men are so much better”. These naive women are pretty fucking clueless when it comes to men. Its not rocket science folks. Men like women who take care of their physical forms and embrace their feminine qualities just like how women like men who are taller and appear to be more masculine.
Asian men (from Asia) keep it real by saying it like it is, how it is. They don’t sugarcoat shit and they let it be known they like pretty, beautiful, cute, slim and voluptuous women.
The reason why western and American men are viewed as angels compared to Asian men is simply because they are trained not to speak of things that are politically incorrect, but we all know how American men truly feel on the inside. They just don’t want to be accused of being an asshole for saying how they truly feel about a fat chick. This is why a show like “Married With Children” was so popular with the average American male since Al Bundy would do and say the things that most American men wanted to but couldn’t because of societal pressures around political correctness. That show provided an escape for the American male to live vicariously through Al talking shit to all the women they found repulsive. Playboy Magazine is another manifestation of this phenomenon.
Just like Happy Femme points out, this wanting of a younger, prettier and docile girlfriend or wife is hardly exclusive to Asian men. Asian men are much more vociferous and sincere about their true sentiments, while American men keep their mouths static and their minds churning. If American men were SOOOO different as these ignoramuses claim, then answer me this:
Why is the divorce rate so high in this country of such GREAT western men?Why is there so much cheating happening with our politicians and celebrities? South Carolina Governor? Bill Clinton? John Edwards? Tiger Woods?
Why are all the major female celebrities slim, voluptuous or hot? Surely we should must fine these women of obesity beautiful since American men are so much more accepting and open minded.
Stop the bullshit. Start the realness.
Byron, Christmas cake is the term! =) And it’s referred to women who are over the age of 25, because Dec. 25 is when Christmas is. The saying goes: Cakes baked on Christmas go bad the next day. This applies to women who are at the age of 25… they expire right after they hit the big 25. If I were in Japan, I’ll be considered expired Christmas cake as well! I’m about 25ish right now.
Emily
heh heh… CHRISTMAS CAKE! GJ, Fobulous.
On a funny note, when I was in Japan, it was a popular fad for Japanese women to book a tour to S.Korea to see famous places from K-Dramas. Implicit in the tour marketing was that maybe these women would meet a handsome, sensitive, and passionate Korean man during the tour. Ha!
Thanks, Absolutely Fobulous! Now I remember…my friend was called a “Christmas Cake.” I think she was in her mid-30′s, which means she was almost a January cake!
Gar,
Man, those guys in Korea have got it going! This must be a case of “grass is greener.” Japanese women going to Korea to meet Korean guys while Korean women going outside to meet White guys. Maybe this is an example of global trade?
No, it’s an example of social Darwinism.
“No, it’s an example of social Darwinism.”
What, the Christmas Cake thing?