If you’re an Asian male, look at the picture above, along with the caption. Think about your very first impression. What goes through your mind? Do you feel any kind of change in your thinking or emotion? Now read further.
This post comes off of the Jamie Yeo thread, where in the midst of the IR debate, kobukson criticizes some Asian men by writing:
Another mistake: making Asian women the focal point of the IR discussion. Why do they do this? Why do they do that? Why do so many Asian girls hook up with dorky white guys? Blah Blah Blah. Screw it.
By making Asian women the focal point of the IR debate, you are just giving them more power and leverage. You might as well be a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest.
Kobukson raises a good point, and urb4n and MaSirJones concur (and I thought it would be cool to see how well a one legged man would fare in a butt kicking contest). If Asian men could somehow write-off Asian women, a number of positive things would happen. First, we’d take power away from the Kingstonians and anti-Asian-male media racism. Second, we wouldn’t feel as dumb for beating our heads against a wall that doesn’t seem to budge. Third, there would be more Asian men dating White women, and as a result, we would probably would get more respect from Asian women. (Although we’d also be dating or married to Asian women in even lower numbers than we are today.)
While it’s at least a decent idea in theory, I think it becomes a bit more complex in real life. Namely–I just don’t think Asian men can do it. Some of you can, but most of you can’t. Those “some of you” who can already know you can, and no amount of prodding is going to change things because you already do what you do. For the rest of us, the situation is hopeless. We’re stuck on Asian women. There’s an invisible chain around our necks, and nothing we do–nothing you do–will change that. Sorry. Asking an Asian man to give up Asian women is like asking a gay man to give up men.
Look at Zhang Ziyi in that picture above. I think it’s clear that judging from her interviews and everything else she’s done (Snow Flower with Hugh Jackman?), she’s made the Kingstonian switch. She’s going to produce Orientalist movies and rob our people blind until all Asian men end up in ye poorhouse subservient to anyone who will be our masters. She used to be all about China and representing China, now it’s all about representing the (White) Man’s interest. HOWEVER…I’ll bet that most Asian men don’t care. Why? Because she’s HOT. It’s the same reason why you see the Asian Rake chatting with Jamie Yeo in that video even though she’s moved “beyond” his race (although predictably she headed to Europe rather than Africa, the Middle East, or anywhere else where the men ain’t White). Asian men have got the addiction. Maybe this addiction was inculcated in us when we were young, and maybe the media could help young Asian boys move on, but for most of us who are past puberty, we’re what we are. The addiction doesn’t go away until you are married or old or both.
And it’s not just physical either. I don’t want to get too much into it now, but there’s a mental understanding too. Sure, Asian women don’t know what Asian men go through, but it’s not just about them being like men. It’s about how the two interact.
There are only three main kinds of Asian men who date interracially. Let me tell you about three different real-life guys I know and how they’ve reacted to the IR disparity question.
1. The first guy is an Asian American guy. We’ll call him Dan. Dan is good looking (“for an Asian guy,” as they like to say), he went to a good school, is very smart, etc. etc. He’s always got a date, and more often than not, he’s dating good looking White women–the East Village artistic type with the piercings, the alternative style, etc. He himself is an artist and has dated both Asian and White women, but White women are usually more open to dating him, maybe in part because he’s a freelancer who is off the beaten Wall Street or tech path.
I raised the IR issue with him and talked about some of the discussions on this blog. I told him about the idea some people proposed on bigWOWO that Asian women don’t have our backs, and that Asian men turn to White women instead. He said, “Okay…so these people think that Asian women don’t have our backs. What…do they think White women would protect our backs any better?”
He raises a good point. On the Jamie Yeo thread, someone asked why Asian women aren’t blogging about Asian male issues more. Well let’s ask the other question–if White women are the answer, why aren’t White women blogging about Asian male issues?
Keep in mind this is coming from a guy who predominantly dates White women. He’s open to dating Asian women, but for whatever reason, they’re not as much into him. But he realizes at the same time that there is are areas of culture that White women–as a group, that is–are not going to understand. I don’t know what Dan’s preferences are, or even if he has them, but I think he’s like Mojo–he’s okay either way, and he’d love to date Asian women, but they just aren’t there.
2. I know an Asian American guy whom we’ll call Dave who prefers White women physically and is attracted to White women but will only date Asian women seriously. He thinks it would just be an easier life. But he does date both White women and Asian women for now. He too is bothered by the IR disparity. Even though Asian isn’t his primary interest, he still dates Asian and gets snubbed for racial reasons.
3. I knew a Japanese guy in New York a long time ago. We’ll call him Kenji. Kenji was a Japanese national, and he worked with other Japanese nationals. He worked at a small company staffed with about three or four drop-dead gorgeous young stylish Japanese women, and he was practically the only guy there! I didn’t know how he did it. I was impressed by his restraint. He became a kind of brother to the women in his office. I was amazed at how cool and calm he was in their presence. So one day I took him out for drinks, and after we put back a few, I asked him straight out how it felt to go to work every day surrounded by women who looked like Japanese supermodels.
He said, “I don’t look at them.”
“I prefer White women.”
He then went on to talk about Esther Pan’s Newsweek article and how he found it to be untrue but developing. He actually had had a few White girlfriends in the city, despite working late hours. As we talked, there were a few attractive Asian women who walked by, some of them with the dorky White guys that some of you have noticed. Kenji didn’t bat an eye. He’d only look up for White women. I talked to him about the IR disparity, and he said it was a good thing and that he preferred IR himself.
You see, here’s the issue: What urbs, kobukson, and MaSir are proposing is that people be like Kenji–not caring what Asian women do, going after White women, and “leaving the reservation,” as urbs likes to say. If you’re already like Kenji, then it’s not a problem–you can continue living as you do because the IR disparity doesn’t bother you to begin with. You’re empowered because you don’t give a shit about what Asian women do. Problem is that most Asian guys can’t do it. In fact, I would challenge every Asian male reader of this blog to seriously think about who you are in relation to Asian women. Do you like Asian women? Do you find them very attractive? If so, the absolute BEST you can do on the interracial scale is to become like Dan. You can never rid yourself of that attraction that Asian men have for Asian women, or even the mental commonality that guys like Dan see.
So what’s my solution? I think the best solution is just to accept it. Accept it as part of what you are. And if you’re going to fail, FAIL HARD. Keep on engaging with Asian women, keep on trying to build up your own talents, keep on trying to be the best person possible because no one else will do it for you. To paraphrase King, stop thinking of dating as a war or a battle. Think about it as either meeting someone hot (not serious) or trying to have a real relationship (serious). Running or attacking Asian women isn’t going to stop the Kingstonian Holy War. The only way to stop that is by creating an arts movement that presents something better. In your personal life, don’t politicize yourself too much. If there exists an invisible chain, just let the girls pull you and drop you. Then get back up. It’s best to go with what you really are.
Meanwhile, continue to build a life OUTSIDE of just trying to pick up women. If you’ve got a good voice, sing. If you’re great at making money, make money. If you’re a writer, write. Have a life outside of your social activities.
Bottom line is that Asian men have to learn to be themselves, and if abandoning Asian women is not you, then it’s just not you. It would be nice if more Asian women found Asian men attractive, but if that’s not the case, then that’s just not the case. Dating should be in the here and now, and that’s how people need to think about it.
(pic from here)