Keni Styles, from SF Gate
Now that we’re completed Happy Week, let’s talk about penis size.
I saw this column by Jeff Yang where he talks about the Asian male penis stereotypes, and then goes on to talk about Keni Styles, whom Minority Militant first noticed a while back. Thanks also to Efren who posted on Jeff’s article. According to everyone, Keni Styles, a Thai-British 28 year old, is mainstream porn’s first big Asian male star. Jeff started off his article by mentioning the Asian male stereotypes for lack of size, and Efren talks about how he feels that Asian American men just don’t participate when there’s a call to action. You can see Jeff’s full interview here.
I actually have very little to say about this–I am posting it because some of you might find it amusing. I slightly disagree with Efren’s and Jeff’s interpretation of Mr. Styles’s appraisal of Asian American men–I didn’t think he was coming down on us for not stepping up, but rather I thought he was just mentioning that he has overcome a lot and that it’s important to stay positive. I feel bad for Jon Gosselin–not only did he sleep with unattractive women, but those unattractive women are now pulling his reputation down even lower than before (if that’s possible). At least Tiger’s unattractive women had something good to say about his sexual prowess (although maybe there’s a reason why they call him “Tiger”).
I think Keni’s got the right attitude when it comes to the penis size question. He says:
The whole size issue is ridiculous. You don’t fuck someone with your dick, you fuck someone with your whole body, your attitude, your presence. The moment you say, “Oh, my dick is X inches long,” you’ve let society win the battle of thinking it matters. And it just doesn’t. I’m not the biggest there is, and I’m not the smallest, but I’ve never measured my penis against anything than a girl’s vagina. If it fits and she’s happy, I’m happy.
(Woo hoo! My blockquote function works! Sayonara, vigilance! Hello homywhite!)
And this is coming from a guy who (I’m assuming) is much bigger than average. You’ve got what you got, so just use whatever it is. And he’s right that it’s your whole body, attitude, and presence (okay, I’m going to stop because Keni knows a lot more about this than I do. He’s probably had more partners than I have Facebook friends.).
As I stated, I don’t have much to say on this topic, but if you want, you can check out Roger Fan’s Quest for Length (on Youtube, but probably NSFW). If you’re interested in reading a black man’s version from the, um, more gifted side of the stereotype spectrum, check out Hung: A Mediation on the Measure of Black Men in America.
No related posts.
Well, in the first place, nobody really can give accurate phallus size comparisons unless they’re going around and measuring erect Phalli. All the usual mumbo jumbo about locker room observations is nonsense. You cannot tell how long anyone’s phallus is unless you are viewing it when it’s aroused. A guy may have a flaccid length of 5 inches and grow to 6, or a guy may have a flaccid length of 3 inches and grow to 6. Generally, the longer the flaccid length, the less arousal expansion. That is were a lot of confusion ensues—guys assume that because their own penis may double in length and girth when aroused, that a guy who is 5 inches flaccid, will grow to 10 inches! This is patently false the vast majority of the time.
A guy may know, just by looking at a woman, what her breast size is. It’s pretty out there, but penis size isn’t that obvious. So, most women have very little idea how a guy is endowed when he approaches her. Women are attracted to men for a wide range of reasons, but penis size is something that they’re not going to find out until later. So, by time the size issue even comes up, she already likes you for a lot of other reasons anyway. It’s not going to be make it or break it. Besides there is a huge difference between having a large organ and being a good lover. It is entirely possible to have a big dick but really suck at pleasing a woman.
I agree that Keni Styles has it right, sex is really about a lot of things that go way beyond organ size, unless you fall into the extremes on either side.
Good point, King. Aside from porn, most heterosexual guys probably don’t see more than one erect penis (their own) in their lifetimes. And most heterosexual guys probably don’t show their erect penises to any other guy throughout their lifetimes. Most women probably only see that of their lovers, which I’m guessing averages a number that you could count on one or two hands. I just filled out my census form, and there was no box that asked me for my size. So I’m not sure where they get their stats (or if they get their stats).
I’m still thinking about Keni’s interview. Honestly, I’m impressed by the guy. He’s got a very humble, very matter-of-fact way of viewing the world. It’s almost Buddhist–i.e. focus on what you can control, don’t worry about the rest. Seriously, not to stereotype, but it’s a far cry from what I would expect from guys in that industry.
Well to tell you the truth, here is another place where porn does a lot of damage. Porn is targeted almost entirely to a male market, so it feeds into male fantasies. However, almost all of these fantasies are based on ridiculous misconceptions.
1) FANTASY: a thick 9 inch penis is a real turn-on for most women:
REALITY: many women (probably most) would have a rather uncomfortable time with a penis of that size. Sounds good but in reality—just a big pain.
2) FANTASY: most women are really horny most of the time, and are ready for sex immediately, as a kind of relief valve to their constant horniness.
REALITY: most women take a lot longer to be ready for sex, and sometimes aren’t even looking to have an orgasm out of it.
3) FANTASY: what feels best to a woman is a man who hammers away at her cervix like a demented sledgehammer, yelling “yeah baby” over and over again.
REALITY: Leave the over energetic banging to prison movies, or weightlifting competitions.
And if you don’t believe that clueless guys don’t actually act on all of the above misconceptions, ask some women.
I can’t disagree there. It’s entirely male based, and it’s written entirely from the perspective of what men think women want. And most of the time it’s completely wrong on that account, which is why women consume it at lot less than men.
Haha! I’ve seen some conversations by PUAs and with PUAs, and I know that kind of thinking exists.
Thanks for giving credit where it’s due, B. I put a lot of research into each post and I rarely ever get any credit for anything because I’m not mainstream. I know who reads my shit, and it would be nice to get a little recognition every now and then when it counts. I always trace back my posts and drop names to give people their due credit, even for some of my readers that don’t blog.
TMM,
What’s up, man?
You were the FIRST to break that story. Don’t worry, you and I are in the same boat. A lot of times I mention things first too, but no one ever links here because, you know, we’re not mainstream. We’re the black sheep of the AA blogosphere.
Disclaimer: I’ve never actually watched porn, the acting is so terrible I can’t bear to watch more than 10 seconds into the intro part.
I agree that there is this general misconception about size and pleasure as well as size and race. In my twenties, twice, I’ve broken up with partners after realizing sexual incompatibility. Once was with someone on whom I had a crush for a whole year and half (in college), also a very good friend, but when we finally got together, he was just too big – and I had a feeling he depended on his size to do the talking, so to speak. (i.e. from King’s fantasy list, #2) He was Ethiopian-American.
Second was someone who was small – despite his enthusiasm and effort, it didn’t do anything for me and I actually had to stop him. I did enjoy the dates we had prior to this but, after much thought, the dates weren’t enjoyable enough to overlook the physical incompatibility. He was a Scandinavian-American.
To be completely honest, the second example was the smallest I had ever experienced.
Not that I was particularly promiscuous, but I am *ahem* older… and the best sex I had in my twenties was when I had a fling with a Korean-American man, in college. Of course, I wanted more than a fling but, at the time, he was more interested in dating white girls. (incidentally, he did marry a Korean-American, after all.)
Anyhoo. And, I will say that I have a very healthy and fantastic sex life now, better than ever, with a partner who happens to be also Korean. (Yes, he is the whole package otherwise as well but the great sex really doesn’t hurt.)
Now, I don’t have a scientific theory about that – but, for me, personally, it feels almost as if I am physically more compatible with Korean/Asian men, being Korean myself.
I’m surprised that no one has brought up the fact that women also come with different sizes – and I am not talking about the chesty sizes.
mama nabi- aw, but the terrible acting is part of the fun! My favorite pornos are the ones that try to tell a story or better yet, retell a story like Alice in Wonderland, Hamlet, Cinderella, you get the point. The cheap sets, cheap costumes, awful writing and even worse acting cracks me up, when it’s not turning me on during the steamier parts that thankfully, happen to be 75% of the time. That’s why I enjoy a lot of vintage porno. Stuff from the ’70s and ’80s with actual scripts. I’m spoiled and I need to have multiple sources of stimulation at the sme time. All the lame amatuer crap flooding the internet these days don’t do it for me. I mean, you’re just watching someone else’s honeymoon video. Why not just make your own? I want to see some effort, not just some shaky camera that gives me a headache. Women get romance novels. Guys just get porno. Hey, I want my crazy fantasies played out too.
But anywho, you’re absolutely right: it IS about compatibility. Yes, size does matter, but not in ways that most guys think. If you’re small, instead of getting all hung up on it, find the right girl with whom you can enjoy great sex with, smallness and all. You’re not gonna please every woman out there, but that’s usually the wrong approach that a lot of guys take. Just work on pleasing ONE woman, who can also please you.
“Second was someone who was small – despite his enthusiasm and effort, it didn’t do anything for me and I actually had to stop him.”
Oh mama, you kill me! I just keep imagining this poor guy going to town and you’re like, “OK stop, this isn’t working… get out.”
Hahaha!
Interesting discussion!
You raise some good points about size and compatibility, MN. Speaking of size, what’s doubly funny is this: the guy you dumped for being too big may have suffered emotional hurt, but he probably isn’t suffering from a hurt ego. The “too small” guy, on the other hand, probably is. Yet the end result was exactly the same for both of them! (And to be fair, I’ll bet more people are laughing at Mr. small rather than Mr. Big.)
You also raised an interesting point about there being much more than sex that determines whether or not it will work. If everything else is good, a relationship might be able to make it. But without sexual compatibility AND other factors, it won’t.
In the longer interview with Keni Styles, Keni mentions that his mom moved in with a British dude for a relationship based on sex, and that the relationship was doomed because such relationships don’t work out. I think guys (and maybe some gals) overemphasize sex in a relationship.
“the guy you dumped for being too big may have suffered emotional hurt, but he probably isn’t suffering from a hurt ego.”
Maybe not an ego problem, but it may still lead to same desperation. This can be a real problem… as I said above, it sounds great to most guys, but living with it is a totally different thing. Imagine a guy who runs into this problem over and over again. He likes a girl, he dates a girl, he loses a girl, all because his Johnson is to big. In the end, it doesn’t matter why you can’t connect. If you can’t connect, it’s still lonely.
King,
Imagine being that guy’s mother: “I don’t get it. My son is a world renowned medical expert, a top expert in his field, pulls in a solid six figures, is a championship level golfer, owns three homes and a castle in France, but he just keeps getting dumped. What is wrong with women today???”
I guess I could see how that would be problematic…
@ Leon
That’s why I enjoy a lot of vintage porno. Stuff from the ’70s and ’80s with actual scripts. I’m spoiled and I need to have multiple sources of stimulation at the sme time. All the lame amatuer crap flooding the internet these days don’t do it for me. I mean, you’re just watching someone else’s honeymoon video.
I’m with you Leon. I prefer vintage porn. Not so much the crazy hairdo’s of the 80′s, but I want my porno to have situational fantasies. Having a certain context stimulates the mind sexually. Pizza delivery sex doesn’t do it for me. I mean more like office sex.
@TMM
Thanks for giving credit where it’s due, B. I put a lot of research into each post and I rarely ever get any credit for anything because I’m not mainstream. I know who reads my shit, and it would be nice to get a little recognition every now and then when it counts. I always trace back my posts and drop names to give people their due credit, even for some of my readers that don’t blog.
I think Jeff is mining your site for ideas, K.
Pingback: Black Sheep of the Blogosphere « big WOWO
I’m a half asian. My erect penis is probably 4-5 inches, average thickness for it’s length.
My girlfriend orgasms usually 4-6 times during intercourse, which usually lasts 20-40 minutes (not including foreplay). She’s probably smaller than most women but the main reason I am guessing is her clitoris gets steady stimulation from the fact I can go all the way inside and I’m not bumping up against her cervix. Though she still says the orgasms are much better with me inside her than just from clitoral stimulation alone.
Anyways, I had a complex about my size before meeting someone but it all turned out okay and I’m \better\ at sex than I ever thought I’d be.
Pingback: International Penis Wars | bigWOWO
Pingback: Thomas Jane and His Racist Swipe At Sung Kang | bigWOWO