The Princess and her non-black Prince
I had a longer discussion relevant to this topic before, so I’ll try to keep this one short. Neutral Observer had asked what I felt about the FlashForward IR between John Cho and Gabrielle Union, and I said that it was a positive step, but that there was something a bit off about it, perhaps mostly the fact (as I see it) that an Asian man will never be a king in a land of plentiful single black women, and that a black woman will never be queen in a land of plentiful single Asian men. There are some people who are demanding to see more such couples, but the vast majority of black women strongly prefer to be with black men, and a large (though significantly smaller, according to John Tierney from the the NY Times) majority of Asian men prefer Asian women.
Anyway, my son and I were shopping for a birthday present yesterday, and I saw the toy above (apologies for the blurry pic. I need to get a flash on my cell phone.) It’s an action figure of the Frog Princess, along with her non-Black prince.
Similar to the FlashForward IR, this one…didn’t work for me. It’s almost upsetting that the first animated black princess didn’t get what many single black women want–a black prince. I know there are a significant number in the African American community who feel the same way. Yes, I know, any depiction of black women in relationships is a positive thing. Anything showcasing black women is positive, given what that demographic endures. Yet something just seems amiss. I can find action figures with a black IR relationship, but I can’t find them with a non-IR relationship? Given the fact that so many black leaders such as Malcolm and Jesse have heralded the black family as a means to empowerment, it’s unfortunate that that black family is commercially unavailable for kids to purchase and play with.
I’m currently re-reading Iron John. Something Robert Bly discusses is how we take back the key from our mother, who has taken something away from us in the process of our maturation. I don’t know if I’d agree wholeheartedly with the idea of taking back something from your mother as applicable to everyone, but in the case of this IR discussion, I’d say it’s pretty near universal. Those Asian men who are angry with Asian women for the Kingstonian feminism movement will never be whole without there being some kind of resolution. Black women angry at black men will never be whole without resolving their issue as well. You can speak in theoretical terms of abandoning the entire race–”well, if Asian women won’t date me, there are plenty of other women of other colors out there!”–but the separation isn’t so clean in real life. To paraphrase Martin, inequality for some is inequality for all. You can’t resolve a huge inequality by simply taking another road.
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But here is an...
I agree with everything you said. About #1…I think...
Okay, I’m not racist against anyone.
You guys are wrong. I was only pulling you
guy’s chain.
I just don’t think that Asian guys and Black
women are compatible. Black women can be
attractive but they are more dircted and head strong
than most races are. That’s what white guys I know
that have dated them told me.
You guys are not very out going. That’s what
I read in most forums. Many Asian guys don’t ask
out Asian women so that’s why they date us. You guys should
date Middle Eastern women or Latin and Jewish
women. Besides, your parents will never accept a
black into your family tree since Asians hates
blacks.
Sieg:
The problem is that you always generalize based on a single idea about a large group of people. It’s the same thing that Neutral Observer does… you guys think that you can actually describe how “Black women are” or how “Asian guys act.” But in reality, what you consider to be “Black women” come from a very wide range of cultures all around the world. There is no one BLACK culture. For example, how about all of the Black women who either live under or are influenced by Islamic Sharia law? Are they all direct and headstrong under their burkas? Do you really think that there’s some genetic mutation that makes women with dark skin more headstrong? Because if it’s a cultural issue then consider all the different cultures that Black women come from in the real world.
The same is true of Asian guys. Asian guys come from many different cultures with many different ideas about courtship and dating, it’s not one size fits all. So some Asian guys are more reserved, while others can be pretty outgoing. That’s been the big struggle with non-White peoples in America—not to be judged based on a single stereotypical idea that somebody got by asking their White friends.
When I read such discussions about IR, I can’t help but pull out my hair from frustration. And I often yell at the computer screen and ask, “why can we be with someone because that person makes us feel good about ourselves–regardless of culture?” Then I question, “well Lac, is this rather naive of you? Is this your way of denying the issues?” Perhaps. But when I meet someone, of various cultures and ethnicity, I stay focused by learning about this one specific person’s story, regardless of color. Isn’t that where relationships start–or should?I really don’t understand why/how this is so hard to do. Please help me understand.
@ Lac
Well, according to Sieg, it’s because certain “Races” are a certain way, and others are not, so there are some “races” that you just can’t put together. Do you see now?
I see it as more about representation than a person’s personal choice. I see it more as a means of diversifying representation according to how people are thinking, i.e. black women with black men. It’s not that black women with non-black men is bad; rather, it’s that black women with black men is absent, even though it’s the most common. It’s the same deal with Asian men and Asian women. People thinks it’s cool that Jet Li romanced (well, kind of) Aaliyah in Romeo Must Die. But when will we tell stories of Asian men and Asian women? When will they publish these stories and produce these action figures?
It’s kind of weird to know that it’s almost completely absent.
In other words: people should be able to tell their story.
That’s all. I still think that the Frog Princess is cool.
I just finished reading the “where the black man is King post”. That 1st post by neutral observer was sooooo foul. Generalizing black women across all educational levels and incomes to that degree qualifies for hate speech. I would never write something that nasty about the other gender of my race. Wow, just wow.
Anywho, I’m in a BW/AM marriage, and our relationship doesn’t seem very gimmiky to me. It seems to me like we’re happy and enoy each others company. To those who see theUnion/Cho pairing as contrived, forced or gimmicky perhaps it’s because you’re not very open minded about the possibility of a BW and AM being in a happy relationship. This type of pairing has been going on in the country since asians immigrated here, quiet as it’s kept.
The networking experience described in the previous post isn’t suprising but that’s not how all BW operate. I will also note that I’ve had asian men snub me because some much less attractive and usually much larger AW or WW came along. And you know what? Big deal, next. I’m not going to use that as an excuse to close my mind to all the dating options available to me. Do most AM and BW have this impractical desire to marry within their race? Probably, but it sure as shit isn’t 99.9% so take your business where it’s appreciated. If your parents object for racist reasons then grow a pair.
Thanks, Zoopath! It’s good to hear from someone who is actually in one of these relationships.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been surprised by how many Asian men actually prefer black women. Not because black women aren’t beautiful–they are–but just because of what I often see. You and I are in agreement; it’s probably most, but it isn’t anywhere near 99%.
jaehwan – “It’s almost upsetting that the first animated black princess didn’t get what many single black women want–a black prince. ”
i hope you’ve gotten over it. i’m a black female and had no problem with the black girl getting the non black prince.
and not every black woman only seeks a black prince.
peace out…
True! I was thinking most, but you’re definitely right!