A bunch of us were discussing the new terms of Tiger and Elin’s prenup here. mT raises some questions about money and marriage. If a woman demands money for her hand in marriage, directly or indirectly, or, in Elin’s case, if she demands money in order to stay in a marriage, directly or indirectly, does that somehow compromise her values as a person? mT raises a good point about the morality of such an arrangement.
I have a few opinions here.
1. Marrying for money: When I was in college, a woman friend told me that the man she married would have to be rich. She said that if he loved her, he would work for her in order to support her lifestyle. “If a man won’t work to make money, it means he’s not showing his love for me.”
For most of human history, the idea of marrying in part for money has been the norm, rather than the exception. Back in the old country, parents would actually barter, i.e. “You marry my daughter, and I’ll give you a cow and three shekels of gold.” Today we ostensibly believe in marrying for love, but even today, money plays a big role–how often do you see people crossing socio-economic lines in order to marry? Typically rich marry rich, middle class marry middle class, and poor marry poor.
This is why I personally find it hard to condemn a person who marries another person in part because of money. If a woman grows up poor in rural China and jumps at the first rice chaser with a blue passport, I have trouble condemning her. It’s a good financial arrangement for her and her future children, and even though we on the internet might condemn her for feeding the plague, deep down inside we know that her life here could very well be better than the alternative.
2. Money and the Individual: I think money often becomes part of a person’s personality and being, much the same way one’s personality comes in part from superficial qualities like height, weight, and race. Think about this: Would Donald Trump be having as much fun…scratch that…would Richard Branson be having as much fun if he were poor? His lifestyle is one that involved jumping out of planes and doing all other kinds of crazy stuff. If he were poor, would he have the means to do this? No.
I think it’s the same for everyone with money. When you have lots of money, it makes you a different person than if you didn’t, for better or for worse. People marrying for money, in this sense, is really no different from a person marrying for popularity, or a person marrying in order to enjoy the other person’s snarky sense of humor. Money, in this sense, is a part of the person. Agree? Disagree?
3. The Difference Between the Ultra-Wealthy and You and Me: Elin will get another $5 million just to stay with Tiger, plus her in-case-of-divorce numbers will most likely go up, AND the expiration dates on the terms (“You get X if you divorce before 7 years”) will become shorter.
Some say this sounds cold and calculating and unromantic, but if you think about it, it makes sense.
First, rich people need prenups. There is no way of separating the money from the person, and people need to protect themselves. I think most middle class people just throw all the money into a common account, and it’s great that this works, but for rich people, it’s impractical. Tiger came to the table with more money, and even though Elin should get some of it, it’s wise to keep things separate at the beginning.
Second, you and I see the $5 million and think it’s a lot of money, but is it a lot of money for Tiger? He’s reportedly worth a billion dollars, and if 0.5% of his net worth is significant enough to cause the mother of his children to think twice about staying married to him, I think it illustrates a big difference between what the two are worth. Think about this: Would you want to be married to a person who had a contract in order to keep you at half a percent of his own net worth?
Third, money is power. I’m sure Elin is very well provided for, but if partners are supposed to be equals in a marriage, how do you reconcile a billion dollars in holdings for one partner vs. $5 million for the other? Elin was a nanny before, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that difference in net worth is making her feel like a nanny right now. Sure, she’s not the greatest golfer in the world like he is, and the money probably shouldn’t be 50-50, but neither should it be 99.5-.5.
Fourth, as we saw in Harvard Justice, Episode 7, contracts–a prenup, in this case–are only legitimate if they’re fair. The example that Sandel brings up is the plumber who charges $50,000 for a toilet repair to an old lady who doesn’t know the going rate. No one would expect that contract to be valid.
Similarly, now that Elin has had her sex life dragged into the media by her disproportionately powerful husband, intentionally or not, the contract is no longer fair. It may have been fair when she was a quiet nanny/model, but now she’s on the defensive because of Tiger’s actions. She doesn’t have the same platform he has in terms of media influence, nor does she have the same kind of marketable skills, especially after taking herself out of the workforce in order to care for his kids. Not only do I think she has a right to negotiate, I think she’d be smart to do so–you never know how far the wind will blow when it comes to public opinion and damaging scrutiny.
So in conclusion, I personally don’t think it’s such a big deal to marry a person in part for money–everyone does it, money is part of a person’s being, and among the rich it’s unavoidable. I do feel bad for people who marry after striking it rich though–that’s has to weigh down on a marriage. It reminds me of John Steinbeck’s book “The Pearl,” where too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing.
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I also wanted more rice than what could fit inside the wrap....
There are many forms of currency, cash is just one of them.
As an aside, when I heard Elin was being paid $5MA by Tiger I was thinking, Tiger probably gave her the gift that keeps on giving and this is $$$ to stick around and put up with his shit.
ANY woman who requires or expects money is not worth crap! Tiger is no sort of man to put up with that.
But it’s a sad fact of the modern age: people like Tiger and his blonde bimbo don’t have marriages, they have “arrangements.”
She’s entitled to NOTHING! If the spouse cheats you get a divorce. Period!
She didn;t make the money, he did. When the marriage ends he should get the kids –he has the most resources to raise them with the best. After all he didn’t beat the kids or neglect him. He cheated on a frigid bitch who has all sorts of attitude problems. He owes her zero!
She doesn’t like that? Tough shit! She should have worked for a change and made something of herself instead of going the “I’ll marry my way up” route. Playing the suburban whore is what women like whatshername do.
I want to puke!
He deserves whatever he gets.
Neutral Observer,
Jack Welch cheated on his wife with a reporter who was supposed to tell his story, and when his wife divorced him, his attorney basically said, “Judge, Jack Welch is the MAN. All the money he made is HIS. He is a management GENIUS, and just because he found someone younger, I mean, better, doesn’t mean that he owes this woman anything. She’s got more than enough to live on, but she’s not entitled to anything more.”
His wife’s attorney basically said, “Your honor, this cheatin’ dirtbag named Jack wouldn’t be jack without his wife. She raised his kids, attended all his important business functions, and put up with the travel and the long work hours. She helped create the perfect family that supported his efforts to succeed. If you ask me, she’s responsible for his success.”
The judge agreed with his wife’s attorney. I don’t think she got half, but she got a large chunk. Let’s just say I’m sure it hurt.
Now Jack had been married to his wife for a very long time, and while Elin and Tiger have been together for only a short time, and even though Tiger was successful before Elin, isn’t it possible that she could claim some responsibility for his success? He’s a highly secretive guy, and the fact that she has never betrayed his trust (not that we know of anyway) says something about her character.
Just asking…
@jaehwan: I don’t know much about Florida family law, but many states provide some sort of sliding scale of whether alimony and how much is given because there is a presumption that the spouses to contribute to the success of each other. A short marriage, none; long term, yes; inbetween, age and ability to earn money is taken into account.
I recall one case I worked on as a clerk where wife was a total scumbag/theif/drug addict and husband supported step-daugter. Wife was not going to get any alimony except she had cancer, so judge gave her $300 for six month to cover rent.
In the case of Elin/Tiger, it is a short term marriage, but the prenup might avoid a judge having to determine what the payout will be. Prenup should cover that. There is a presumption that Elin being married to Tiger was a benifit. It would be a pain in the ass to determin the dollar amount when you consider the reduction in taxes, bore his children, cared for the children, appeared at event, enjoyment of company.
That is why I said above, currency, comes in many forms, cash is just one of them. How much is it worth to see a smile on your wife’s face or the twinkle in your childrens eyes? What is the value of a home cooked meal if it not only economical, but healthier than chicken strips at Applebee’s?
The article “Money Marriage and the Arrangements people make” sounded like a business class on how to make money through marriage. I NEVER read anything in that article about Morals,charactor,principles or Integrity. That is what life is all about. Youcan’t take the money with you and you can’t buy your way into heaven but the morals that you stand for which defines the charactor you are will. Plus what one man makes through dedication and hard work is his own.When she marries he is suppose to marry for LOVE, not financial position. If that is the case then the female is the same as a prostitute because she is then selling herself to the highest bidder ! Again we are in the realm of morals and integrity,which don’t seem to be of importance with this trend of thinking. All I can say in closing is people with this type of thinking or this type of marriage beliefs are always going to be unhappy and in trouble because they are getting married with the wrong outlook and for the wrong reasons. If you are a Cheap person morally then all the money in the world will not make the person or the out come any different. If the average person making $50,000 a year can stay married 50 years then the person with several million dollars should have there marriage that much easier to endure . Good luck to those people that base there self worth on how much money they have and not on how strong they moral make up is. I personally would rather look into the mirror and know that my morals and self worth aren’t for sale and know that my wife is the one I love and not the one I had to purchase.