Aight, I’ve gone three posts without a comment (on my new posts–people are still commenting on the old posts) with no drop in traffic. What this means is that either I’m being too positive (John Liu wins), or my stuff is becoming too esoteric, or I’m deviating from race-related issues. Since I’m about to move even further into crazy-land with our Justice course, let me just quickly put up one partially race related post. In fact, I’ll even do one on IR!
I found this post written by an African American woman about what she thinks black men do to black women. She thinks that black men “gaslight” black women, a term that comes from a play and two movies. To explain gaslighting, she quotes Robin Stearn:
Gaslighting is the systematic attempt by one person to erode another’s reality, by telling them that what they are experiencing isn’t so – and, the gradual giving up on the part of the other person. Gaslighting takes two – one person who needs to be in control to maintain his sense of self, and the other, who needs the relationship to maintain her sense of self and is willing to acquiesce. The Gaslight Effect happens when you find yourself second guessing your own reality, confused and uncertain of what you think, because you have allowed another to define reality and tell you what you think — and who you are. Gaslighting can be maddening in the early stages and soul destroying when it fully takes hold.
The blogger writes, “My Sisters, STOP Putting Up With Being Gaslighted!”
I know NOTHING about the topic, so I’ll refrain from commenting on her points about African American culture. However, I picked up two useful pieces of information from her post.
1. That’s a cool term. “Gaslighting.” I think we all shape one another’s realities, and we have to be aware of how our realities are in our heads. If you’re around negative people, they can easily gaslight you into becoming more negative. (I associate “gaslighting” with negativity since positivity usually opens up possibilities rather than shutting them down.)
2. If we were to take the African American example and try to apply it to Asian people, I think it’s kind of similar. Asian guys say, “This is the way things are,” and Asian women say, “No, this is the way things are!” Is it possible that both realities are correct, and that the difference comes mainly from the experience of the person speaking?
Anyway, by reading this post, you’ll probably now have a great new word in your vocabulary!
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I also wanted more rice than what could fit inside the wrap....
“Aight, I’ve gone three posts without a comment (on my new posts–people are still commenting on the old posts) with no drop in traffic. What this means is that either I’m being too positive (John Liu wins), or my stuff is becoming too esoteric, or I’m deviating from race-related issues. Since I’m about to move even further into crazy-land with our Justice course, let me just quickly put up one partially race related post. In fact, I’ll even do one on IR!”
Jaehwan, you are shameless! Playing the IR card to generate comments on your posts.
According to Wikipedia:
“Gaslighting is a form of intimidation or psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory and perception. The classic example of gaslighting is to change things in a person’s environment without their knowledge, and to explain that they “must be imagining things” when they challenge these changes.”
I learn something new everyday. Thank you bigwowo.
I think “Gaslighting” is what whites do to Asian people(and other POC) everyday,
“Oh look, we got a bi-racial president now, so that proves Americas post racial! no racism at all!”
.
.
Or what rich elites do to the working class,
“Oh look, if you work really hard in our factories/offices you too can be rich like us!! Its great for you to be a cog in our machine!”
.
.
Or what the “West” tries to do to the “East”,
“Oh, you need our army bases in your countries, because we’re protecting your freedom and democracy!! its not about your natural resources at all!”
lol..
Larry,
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Simon,
No problem! I have a feeling I’m going to be using this term a lot.
Anna,
LOL!
Jaehwan, you are shameless! Playing the IR card to generate comments on your posts.
LOL
Gaslighting does seem to come up in IR discussions:
Angry Asian Man: “Asian women are marrying out to white men by the millions!”
Gaslighter: “Love is blind. You’re a racist sexist pig.”
Angry Asian Man: “Did you not hear what I said? Asian men are losing the dating game. Am I not the only one who sees this?!”
Usually gaslighting in IR debates makes the Angry Asian Man more and more shrill, which makes him seem like an angry nutjob, whiney intellectualizing loser. Not exactly the most sexually appealing traits on a man, which further compounds the IR disparity because the Asian male image is tarnished.
Hence gaslighting is a pretty effective as a psychological weapon.
But you know what they say, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”
I never knew there was a term for this particular type of action.
Now, I want to draw parallels between Anna’s post:
“Oh look, we got a bi-racial president now, so that proves Americas post racial! no racism at all!”
and Alpha Asian’s post:
Angry Asian Man: “Asian women are marrying out to white men by the millions!”
Gaslighter: “Love is blind. You’re a racist sexist pig.”
Angry Asian Man: “Did you not hear what I said? Asian men are losing the dating game. Am I not the only one who sees this?!”
Now, this supports my argument that Asian women have actually adopted the cultural habits of white society’s view on race. You have now become the oppressor. Asian men, your minds have been completely molded.
Again, mentally weak on both sides.
Great points, Alpha. The more and more we talk about what we know is real, the more and more certain people will use that to reinforce the idea of Asian men as crazy, whiny nutjobs. I hate to admit it, but it works. We been gaslighted!
uRB4N, I was wondering where you were, man! (It was less than a 24 hour wait time…I know…but I was getting impatient since I loved the new word “gaslight.”) I was thinking this would be a term that uRB4N would like–and it’s a great word. Malcolm said we empower ourselves with words. I see myself using it again. Empowerment, here I come!
Anyway, I’m going to read the book on Gaslighting by Robin Stearn, who coined the term and named it after the movie: The Gaslight Effect. I’m also going to see the movie.
I’ll let you know if I come up with any pearls of wisdom.
Here’s another phrase I discovered, “Legend of Cassandra.” Friends have called me that in the past.
Cassandra was the daughter of King Priam of which her beauty was so overwhelming that the god Apollo gave her the gift of prophecy. When she didn’t return Apollo’s love, he cursed her so that no one would believe her predictions.
And I’ve been ringing the alarm for quite some time.
Here’s another phrase I discovered, “Legend of Cassandra.” Friends have called me that in the past.
Cassandra was the daughter of King Priam of which her beauty was so overwhelming that the god Apollo gave her the gift of prophecy. When she didn’t return Apollo’s love, he cursed her so that no one would believe her predictions.
And I’ve been ringing the alarm for quite some time.
Perhaps you’re Cassandra at some other blog or forum, but here at Big WoWo, you’re preaching to the choir. Most of us here are in agreement with you: there IS a disparity in the interracial dating. We all know this, and we knew this a long time ago.
I’ve known this since the 80′s, and I’m sure an OG even older than me will say, “No sh!t, Sherlock! I’ve known this since the 70′s.”
So Urb4n: I BELIEVE YOU!
I also believe uRB4N!! but just i disagree with how to combat it…
URB4N,
I too believe!!!
(and would like to hear how to combat it…)
Urb4n and siegfried podcast would be sick!!
Urb4n and siegfried podcast would be sick!!
Naw, Urb4n isn’t illogical enough. You need someone as stupid as Siegfried.
shit, I confused King and siegfried. I meant to say a podcast between King and urb4n.
Confusing me and Siegfried!?? What an insult!! (I won’t say to which one of us)
Sure, I’d podcast w/Urb4an. We agree on the problem, I think, and only disagree on solutions.
King and Siegfried? They’re as different as black and white. (pun totally intended)
A podcast between King and urb4n would be great. I’m actually thinking it would be cool if I weren’t there; if it were just a guided conversation with topics. Urb4n, are you up to it? (check your e-mail too if you get a chance)
This is a great term, “gas-lighting”. Part of the minority struggle is to build an arsenal of new vocabulary to articulate realities, conditions and a state of being that which rarely gets put into words otherwise.
I love the term, and I find that I’m actually using it in my everyday speech. It describes a lot. The movie is quite amazing too.