In an earlier post, I posed the question to the ladies about whether or not they would ever entertain dating a guy who aspired to be a house husband. I asked if it would be acceptable for a guy to say, “I want to have kids, and I want to stay home and raise them.” I got three kinds of answers from the ladies: no, no, and no.
The recent heat wave has brought the family closer, mostly because I’m spending a larger portion of the day taking care of two kids dealing with extreme heat. When I proposed my previous question, I was wondering if I had a gender bias, but after spending lots of time with my daughter over the past few days, I realize that I want both of my kids to have a job or profession. Housewife or househusband would be a no-no. Attending college only for the purpose of meeting a supporting wife or husband would be a no-no. The old saying is “Give a man (or woman) a loaf of bread and you feed him for a day. Teach him to fish, and you feed him for life.” I want my kids to know not only how to fish but how to love fishing. And by “fishing,” I mean contributing meaningful work to society, not fishing for a sugar daddy or sugar mama. I’m fine with people who do that–if there is a mutual understanding between consenting parties, then I see no reason to object–but it’s not what I want for my kids.
I never realized how strongly I felt about my daughter’s career options. I want my daughter to work because I don’t want her depending on a man for food and shelter. Men can be really controlling, and it’s hard for a woman to come to the table as an equal without having a career. I’d be fine if she married and then decided that she would stay home to take care of kids, but I wouldn’t want her to plan not to work. That mindset creates laziness.
Don’t get me wrong–I’m not against those who aspire to stay-at-home. My own mother was a stay-at-home mom, and though I don’t know what my mom was planning [edit: my mom knew my dad in high school and went to a nearby college], I know that many women in those less progressive days used college mostly as a means to meet men. But that was a different time and era. These days, who can predict the future? Life is like a game of poker where you play a hand based on a fair measure of luck. The best we can do is to just improve our hand intelligently.
Besides, I think it’s good for people to learn to work directly with society. Our children are our greatest teachers, yet there are many lessons that can only be found outside the home. It’s good to encourage engagement outside the home through meaningful long term work.
This is a very hard post for me to write since my primary motivation is writing while my career is sales. People say that writing is an inexpensive hobby. They’re wrong because they’re counting total cost rather than opportunity cost. Being obsessed with just about anything else is more lucrative than writing, especially if one thinks about a small niche like Asian American literature. (Well, actually Asian American activism is even worse since it causes one to lose money and incur both opportunity and actual costs. Activism is a one way trip to ye poorhouse.) Still, I do believe in meaningful work is important, even for those like me whose extracurricular activities create hardship. I want both of my kids to have the option of making a difference through work.
Related posts:
But here is an...
I agree with everything you said. About #1…I think...