Protesting
(pic from here, double posted on RiceDaddies.)
I saw this on angryasianman. Apparently this Asian kid was getting bullied all year. The bully calls the Asian kid a f#$%ng Chinese,” and when a shoving match breaks out, he punches the Asian kid in the face. The Asian kid happens to be a black belt in martial arts, and so he punches back. Knowing his fighting ability, he punches with his non-dominant hand and aims for the jaw, but he winds up hitting and breaking the bully’s nose. His punch sends the bully to the hospital. Now the Asian kid is being charged with assault.
As a father, I worry about instances like this all the time. My daughter is not old enough to be fighting yet, and my son is best friends with the daycare bully, who happens to be a very large two year old (haha…reminds me of that movie My Bodyguard…), but it’s something that sits at the back of my mind. I remember when I was growing up it was the exact same thing–racist White kid calls you a chink and gets physical, and when you try to defend yourself, the teacher punishes you while letting the bully walk. I wasn’t a black belt in grade school (or right now, for that matter), and I’d usually lose most of my fights, but I remember it being the exact same thing–racist White kid starts the altercation with physical violence, racist teacher finishes it with institutional violence.
When I was in sixth grade, I had this one teacher named Mrs. P. (I’ll protect Rice Daddies from any liability, though I feel no need whatsoever to protect the identity of this domestic terrorist) who would always, always take it out on me. I remember confronting her about why I always got punished while the bully didn’t, and she said something along the lines of “Well, the other kids don’t have any problems. Obviously it must be something with you.”
Um, yeah, maybe that’s because the other kids are White and don’t have a miniature Himmler trying to test whether colored minorities bleed when punched in the face.
She said something like, “I don’t have time to deal with your problems. You need to grow up.”
Ooookay. If you don’t have time to stop racial violence in your class, then why are my parents paying tuition at this school? Is that the someone else’s responsibility? Mrs. P., are you moonlighting at another job, maybe shuffling papers or ironing white sheets for your local neighborhood KU KLUX KLAN???
Anyway, I’m glad kids are protesting. Everyone should have a right to defend himself. Some say that maybe the Asian kid should be punished by the school for fighting and breaking the rules, but I’d even disagree with this. I think he did a good thing by saying no to racism. In any case, under no circumstances should this be a criminal matter against the Asian kid alone–everyone has the right to defend themselves with justifiable force. Letting the bully get off scot-free is a governmental defense of racism.
This is another example of racism supported by an institution; in this case, the institution is the government which is bringing about these charges. I don’t know the system in Canada, but in the U.S., you can sue the government when it abuses power like this. We may not be able to eradicate racism among individuals, but we definitely need to make sure that institutions are not supporting it. Best of luck to the protesters, and hopefully the government will do the right thing.
PS: A good way to make a loud statement would be for a wealthy Canadian American businessman to cover this kid’s legal defense fees. It would show solidarity and displeasure with the system.
Edit: Good editorial here.
No related posts.
But here is an...
I agree with everything you said. About #1…I think...
Why does the article keep mentioning the Asian boy’s grades?
As a father, I worry about instances like this all the time. My daughter is not old enough to be fighting yet, and my son is best friends with the daycare bully, who happens to be a very large two year old (haha…reminds me of that movie My Bodyguard…), but it’s something that sits at the back of my mind.”
Wow. They even have daycare bullies among two-year olds now! Whether it be cyber-bullying, daycare bullying, or the traditional schoolyard bullying, this younger generation is out of control.
We need to medicate them heavily with Soma.
Haha…that other kid is just really, really big. I don’t know if he even knows when he’s being a bully. Have you ever seen Juggernaut from the X-Men. That’s what he is–once he starts moving, nothing can stop him.
Man this is terrible. But big respect for the Asian kid for having the integrity to fight back, and succeed. Violence should be met with violence, ask any victim of racial or any kind of bullying, doing nothing only makes it worse. Maybe He got in trouble with the police, but the bully wont ever touch him again. The problem the Asian kid is facing is money, he cant afford good legal representation.
But his parents should have taught him better……If it were my kid (if i had a kid, lol) he would do nothing at school, but follow the bullyhome, wait until he was alone, then kneecap him , while wearing a balaklava…….thats how you need to teach your kids to take care of buisiness. It sounds like the teachers, police, legal service is corrupt and racist, so the is no justice.
They should do fund raising, so they have money to pay for a better lawyer, not protest on the street, they need money, not placards!!!!
Actually thiking about it, i really think its the parents that pushed for charges to be bought against the accused. If the kid is racist, then the parents are the ones who indoctorinated him to have prejudice, then their kid goes out to bully , gets his ass whopped, the parents saying
” no chinese #$%%^^ gonna touch my boy and get away with it”
The family really needs to get in touch with community organisations, to raise money for legal defense, what it sounds like they are 1 or 1.5 generation or something, they probably are needing money and help right now to fight this………
wheres the asian malcom X or Jesse James er i mean Jackson ???!! lol!!
Jesse James? Capping his knees? Remind me to stay on your good side, Anna!
Anna, you’re emotions are understandable, but a trained warrior would be the first to say violence is only one of the many tools in his arsenal. A trained fighter would warn about emotions clouding ones abilities to assess and respond best to a threat.
To clear the air, I feel anyone should be able to defend themselves physically without worrying about legal repercussions, and any situations of racial targeting and verbal slurs should be made into a public showcase for condemnation and an opportunity for greater understanding. And the instigators of violence and hate-spewing should be punished appropriately.
However, in the absence of immediate justice, breaking someone’s knees in an ambush is a very risky maneuver. 1. If the police – especially if they are corrupt as you’ve pointed out – find the ambusher, it’s likely he will face much harsher criminal penalties than if he just defended himself in the initial confrontation (even if that legal response was bogus). 2. It escalates the level of injury, and could lead to escalating response, such as the bully or his posse coming after your son with a knife or firearm and committing murder. It’s extremely risky to escalate a non-lethal attack beyond it’s initial parameters, unless you’re in a position where you are ready and capable of killing the opponent with virtually no physical risk to yourself. Even still we are no talking about a situatation that has now escalated to murder or a self-defense killing (whether or not that’s how the law sees it) that might have been neutralized through peaceful or more appropriate methods early on, when it was bullying with hurtful, but non-injury-inducing attacks.
Even if you were inclined to a direct physical response, there’s many more options available. You could wait until after school, like you said, being aware of the environment you are in and it’s ramifications. Confront the bully elsewhere, but don’t escalate the level of violence to injury. Instead, illustrate a superior ability to control and humiliate the opponent, putting him in a position to learn a lesson. If there are worries about the opponents abilities, use factors like surprise or misdirection in your favor. If you have the time and the ability to put off the confrontation, improve your training in combat. The ability to induce pain without leaving marks or injury can be useful. Otherwise, you could do like Byron’s youngin, and use your charm to obtain a surrogate bodyguard that can handle the confrontation. Having greater numbers on your side than a single opponent doesn’t necessarily escalate the level of violence, but does lead to problems in a court case, and creates many witnesses.
A victim without fighting skill but wanting revenge could place contraband (dirty magazines, drugs, weapons, etc) in his bully’s backpack, unnoticed, and taking care to avoid fingerprints or linking evidence, and set him up for expulsion.
I think both of the above responses come with a lot of baggage and unintended consequences. But neither creates the level of risk of breaking a kneecap in an ambush.
Psychological intimidation was how I generally handled bullies. I was a real skinny and goofy-looking kid in a new state. I was silly in general, but when confronted with bullies, I played the part of a psycho, growling for them to please please bring it on all the while making kissy faces at them, telling them I’ve been preparing for this for a long time. Even now, mental intimidation or redirection is the way I generally handle instigators of violence.
Before I learned to fight and found my fighting spirit, when I was attacked, I would use words to offend the low minds of the bullies, and then give chase. As soon as I developed good speed and found the pavement and the pursuer was right behind me, I always managed to “trip” and crumple into a ball, sending the bully tumbling over me face-first onto cement. How could I be responsible for the bloody roadrash of a bully? I was just an innocent victim he “pushed” into the ground.
That is somewhat akin to certain “drunken” techniques that “fight without fighting.”
So we’ve gone over some direct counter-responses. But I really think they are the worst options. So let me talk about the BEST OPTIONS.
Let your child know from the get-go you are on his side and will go to bat for him (not literally Anna, put down the ski-mask, lol). Even though you expect great character traits from him, in the end you always have his back, and will fight for him. Really drive home that he can tell you about any problems. It seems obvious to you, but you’d be surprised how many kids don’t understand this. Either they aren’t treated enough like adults to feel they can discuss “adult-ish” situations with their parents, or they feel they might upset you or get in trouble in some cases. Otherwise they feel the pressure to stand up for themselves and fight their own battles alone because they only view you as loving parent and supervisor, and not part of their posses.
The best thing that could happen would have been the victimized kid talking to his parents right away. Parents have much more understanding of working within a system and have greater options available to them. The parents could start by talking to the bully’s parents, the schools, law enforcement agencies if need be, reaching out to local news stations if their attempts to find an audience escalate. Even though some institutions might deter justice, there are ways to manipulate the systems. The school didn’t want to bother with the situation because the individual staff did not want to offer any of their personal time. The parents need to politely make it clear that not responding to the situation will result in the parents taking up as much of the staff’s time as possible.
This is how I passed most of my math classes, pledging to spend every free hour of my teachers’ lives studying with them, because I have a disability in math. After the first few hours they lose to me, they generally conceded to pass me with a minimal grade as long as my attendance was good. Work the system.
Think about ways you can strengthen your case. If the bully picks on other students, try to team up with their parents before presenting your case to the bully’s parents or school. Try to achieve a meeting where you can communicate with the bully directly, and honestly ask him questions that might make him feel regret over his bullying lifestyle. Have the brains to misdirect him – say that a strong athletic kid like him should be a hero protecting the weak, not a bad guy picking on kids for being different. Encourage him to good deeds by saying you see the real potential in him. This will require some brushing off of revenge if it works – if you have the mettle to accept that. Revenge is cyclical. This would be an attempt at ending cycles.
If phones or small cameras are allowed at the school, the kid should try to get recorded evidence of the bullying from friends. With strong evidence, it might be easier to get a good lawyer at an affordable cost, or if all else fails, at least humiliate the school staff and anyone else who ignored the problem name by neglectful name.
Anyway, direct violence is sometimes the only option in a pinch, but is a very short-sighted approach as mandated response.
Anyway, I’m totally with you guys on this case. I have no gripes at all about what the victims did in trying to remedy the situation.
I was just saying I disagree with one suggestion (with all respect) that engaging in the circle of violence should always be the way to respond. Escalating violence is not always the most fruitful or tactically-beneficial way to handle every situation.
Here’s the followup to what happened:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20090504.wkeswick0504/BNStory/National/home
Wow! Thanks for the update, Annie. I guess that’s good news, but man, it’s crazy how big this has become. All over a schoolyard scrap. And plus the kid is still in trouble with the law.
Plus, the Korean kid’s family had to hire a lawyer (I’ve hired lawyers and know how much they charge). It sounds like the lawyer is doing a good job by bringing the racial issues to light, and it sounds like the white kid and his family are making the right amends, so hopefully this will be resolved in a manner where everyone can be happy.
Thanks for sharing your story micah.
Actually i agree with most of what Micah said about childrearing.
Violence is the last resort,….but speaking from my own experience, i found that direct confrontation with violence is the best solution for bullying and harrassment in a school playground/highschool situation. What Micah said about teaming up with others, in real life i think most people are be scared of bullies and their friends, so they dont want to be a target, and wont say or do anything…..
In my experience usually bullies and their friends choose those who THEY THINK are weak, passive, meek or isolated/different. If youre being a victim of bullying, its already too late for words, because they already think they own you and can do what they want without any consequences.So words arent going to change their perception.You have do something physical to change it.
So you have to step up and take justice into your own hands especially in a highschool environment, because no one will do it for you.And it isnt about superior numbers, because if you notice, whenever theres bullying, theres always an alpha leader, then a few beta followers, and if you attack the leader first and make him fear you(when he is alone), the followers take their cue from their fearful leader and show you respect and not bully you anymore. Thats been my experience anyway……
but anyway, i think its great that the family has been proactive and pulled together enough money to pay for a a good lawyer and put pressure on the school to reverse their decision. I think it says alot about the parent son relationship, that they supported their son, and believed in him, and had faith in the honour of their son.
And it didnt have to come down to a kneecapping *……sniff sniff…disappointedly puts away bat..* lol
And micah, actually thinking about what you said about that warrior stuff……
Well its like having money that you never spend. Why work so hard to earn this money , but never let youself spend it? you never able to improve the lives of your loved ones? may as well not work at all and not have any money and so you are actually poor, instead of just acting poor.Or having a gun, whats the point of having one if youre never going to use it to defend your family or loved ones? you may as well throw it away since you wont use it!
Martial arts is about power and dominance, to protect your intersts….just like modern armies and modern military weapons….!!
I agree with some of your sentiments, Anna, and think too many modern martial artists forget the roots of combat training lay not in self defense but on the battlefield. I went to a school with many military and police guys, so their personal MA training extended to firearms and modern weaponry, and I feel martial arts do include all the broad tactics and weapons of the modern battlefield. However, there’s two sides to every story, and to martial arts.
What you discuss is actually the paradox of ‘modern’ martial arts philosophy, especially in those schools that take inspiration from Chan Buddhism or Shambala. Train to be a physical baddass, then only use it as a last resort.
The point of having a gun or training to fight is IN CASE you would have to use it to defend your self or loved ones or innocent people, not the absolute determination or hope to use the gun. If you have to use it, then you have to use it. The use is righteous and for the greater good, but does come with baggage and sadness (not because of deaths, but because of the reality of a world that creates such occurrences). But if you never have to use it, that’s should be a relief. Peace should always be a joy.
I’ve been in situations where I’ve had to act. I’ve always managed to control the situation, but I still have some physical scars nonetheless. Witnesses have glorified the altercations – but they are ignorant that someone with my training and mentality (and I’m not even very good) handling an untrained person might as well be me fighting a child. There’s no glory in that. Only sadness that our society has led or allowed a full-grown adult to be wandering around picking fights and taking swings at people.
I totally agree with you, Anna, on how bullies pick their targets. If you are actually in the process of being physically attacked, you have to respond appropriately. In the school scenario, if none of the kids are in immediate danger of injury (which MA folk distinguish from temporary pain and bruises) – the truth is boys are very weird – sometimes a brawl between enemies will create some respect afterward. I think in an unarmed school setting, the trick is to respond in kind if possible so that it doesn’t escalate the situation.
But if you’re at the point where the bullying is mainly verbal or a push or something, there’s varying ways to respond to it boldly that create an equal amount of respect. For instance this kid Yu Jin (I don’t know the spelling) used to terrorize our bus, pushing kids around, yelling out for people to challenge him. We went to a rich white school – I was very poor, and he was Korean – so neither of us really fit in. Most of the bullies were rich and white befitting the schools demographics, but I thought Yu Jin was possibly acting out because of his frustrations and feelings of disenfranchisement – and I handled my own problems in a different way, brushing off school and going out to underground dance parties nearly every night. Yu Jin was a tournament TKD stylist who seemed to use his looks and MA background as part of his presentation – using a stereotype to appear more intimidating. (Ironically I pulled the same trick when confronted in some of the worst corners of my neighborhoods, using the stereotype of a ‘white deviant psychopath’ like Hannibal Lecter to my defensive advantage.) Anyway one day Yu Jin he just started going after me on the bus, challenging me to fight, because I was ignoring his rants and listening to the earbud headphone I’d hide up my sleeve during classes. So I nearly let it slide, but like Anna said, I felt something needed to be done – in this case to stop an individual from bullying everyone else on the bus who didn’t have the physical ability to stop the situation – especially because he was using martial arts all wrong, IMO.
But I still didn’t want to fight. Even though he was from an American-style tournament school where many of the ‘black belts’ have never been punched in the face, and I’m from a school being taught practical takedowns and chokes by headmasters from the Philippines including a disciple of Presas and a Morrisville SWAT commander. But as soon as the bus started pulling away from his stop, I asked the old bus driver to stop the bus, knowing this would have a greater mental effect than just getting off with him. Once off, I didn’t pay much attention to Yu Jin, just watched the bus drive away, saying “Let’s not have witnesses, so neither of us can get arrested depending on the outcome.”
And as soon as the bus was gone, I sank into a stance, and started moving around him, hands raised. I told him he “has to attack first,” that I only use my martial arts to defend myself in life-or-death situations. He stood there, confused and uncomfortable, and I politely reminded him that I was ready, he was free to attack me at any time.
Eventually he said he didn’t want to fight and awkwardly crossed the street and went home. After that not only did he chill out on the bus, but we actually started sitting with each other doing what all martial artists do, talking way too much about martial arts, haha. We got along the rest of HS.
There were other bullies that weren’t just acting out, but a couple that seemed rotten to the core. One you would love/hate the image of, this huge athlete with shaved head and ice-blue eyes – a guy who whose athletic attributes nullified my crappy-at-the-time MA abilities. He was the worse. In those days before Columbine, I often had some sort of weapon close by. And I encountered him on a few occasions, got pushed a couple times, faced off chest-to-chest a couple times, and often had my fingers gripped around a blade or weight or chain. But it just didn’t escalate. And he came off upset that I stood up to him, but it’s exactly the same reason he didn’t ride me or go after me often or try to really fight me. He knew it wasn’t an easy win. He knew there was a possibility he’d be humiliated. He could see the purposeful glint in my eye, challenging him, hiding something he would not like. And I had it in me to let a push slide.
It also helped that I stoked the fire on some school rumors that I was some kind of baddass psycho, lol. As much as I was targeted for being different, it was an acceptable defense mechanism at the time.
Now it’d probably be different if I was targeted based on skin tone, instead of everything else. In other words, ignoring bullies and silently standing my ground might not be the same in that situation. I can’t really know what it’s like to be in those shoes, though I did put someone down in an MMA setting once in college for smearing the reputation of the Kung Fu / Arnis Academy because he had achieved an ‘blank-slate’ audience to influence. So I think the race factor is like a much more extreme and important version of that. I think it definitely takes a lot of deep thought. Can an enemy at that young impressionable age be changed, or can he only be defeated and humiliated? Or is it sometimes both? (Come to think of it, that worked in the MMA situation I mentioned, so maybe Anna is admittedly on to something, lol).
All I’m saying is things are always situational when it comes to defense. Best to keep fluid and flexible.
Staring down the Asian guy.
Was this the inspiration behind Dogs of Chinatown?
(sorry, couldn’t resist…:) )
Sorry micah, i think youve really romanticised the situation and your response at the time…..
And to be honest, your retelling of the story really suggests that you were the weaker one and let yourself get bullied by others.
“I encountered him on a few occasions, got pushed a couple times, faced off chest-to-chest a couple times”…..”I had it in me to let a push slide”
uh…okaaay.Yep.Flexible and fluid response right there.:)
That was a flexible response. I was ready if more action needed to be taken. I was ready if less action was required to diffuse the situation. Fluidity has a lot to do with yielding. Yielding isn’t about being pushed around, it’s about letting the opponent think he’s moving you, while you move yourself into a superior position – while allowing the opponent to move himself into a worse position.
What should I have done at school? Blinded him? Collapsed his trachea? Even just controlling him with chokes and jointlocks would have gotten me suspended and possibly arrested with a simple assault charge on my permanent record and seriously interrupted all the positive things going on in my life. Then he would have come out on top, and I would have come out on bottom. Instead I showed everyone that he didn’t have the balls to actually attack anyone man enough to stand up to him face-to-face and challenge him, and unlike that roid-raging baboon, I demonstrated to everyone that I had the self-restraint to not just explode with violent action every time I was offended. Everyone witnessed how mentally weak and undisciplined the bully was.
Yes, I could have spent my time stalking and plotting some ninja/guerrilla-ish attacks (direct or indirect) after school. Maybe I would have gotten away with it, maybe not. It’s not like it didn’t go through my mind. But I’d rather focus on positive things with my spare time, instead of filling my life with anger and frustration. I have to let personal insults and slights go sometimes, so that I can focus on work and art and decent people.
There are some injuries that must be answered, but some that can be let go. Obviously anything like the situation in the original post needs to be answered on so many levels.
But interpersonal stuff is situational. Once when I was a dumb ass kid I got socked in the back of my head, and turned and nailed one of the two guys behind me in the head, who both ran in the same crew. I thought they were ganging up on me and about to jump me. Well it turns out he was an innocent dude who was just as shocked as I was that his good friend suddenly hit me out of random childish cruelty. The situation kind of dawned on us all at once, and I though it was about to go down, but the guy I hit didn’t flinch. Despite my hand throbbing, he just asked calmly if I was done. At that point in my life I was never so intimidated and humbled and filled with remorse for my knee-jerk actions as I was then. Even though I was in the wrong, and even though I realized he’s wayyyy tougher than me, I would have probably been able to take some comfort or grudge if he attacked me in revenge. But he responded in a way that shamed and hurt me so much worse instead. And the kid who hit me was affected also from his own point of view. I admired the hell out of that guy I struck from there on, and every time I saw him was reminded of my flaws.
It took a much bigger man than I was at the time to brush off an attack like that. By the time I was in high school, I learned and incorporated that lesson. I wouldn’t let the bullies win by ridiculing me, or by entrapping me, by holding my ground but with restraint. So as to not allow them to mess much at all with the flow of my life.
And I was a bit complimentary about both me and Yu Jin in that story (since we ended up being cool). But that is what happened. Guys are weird that way. Some of them they respect the most unfortunate abilities.
Haha Byron, even though you’re joking there, the other bully, the one who never did anything redeeming – btw, did I tell you his last name is Reich? lol – is often the impetus for villains in my stories.
hahaha…micah, you sound like a character in one of Lu Xun’s stories, lol…..but enough, i wont say anything more about this with you!Take care!
I meant to say “True story of Ah Q”….oh well..
Haha, it’s all good Anna. I can see how that turning the other cheek could be equated as weak or loser-ish by some people and seen as mark of discipline or best-choice-at-the-time tactic by some people. I think it’s situational – not always a good tactic but not always bad tactic. Ah Q is a great analogy for how the people who think it’s always weak would view people who consider turning the other cheek sometimes a personal victory or wise tactic. Aside from that, I do frikkin hate what “you people” call benches! Shameful, really. Hehe.
Initially, my personal knee-jerk MA philosophy kind of put me in disagreement with your approach. But I was being very idealistic and not really considering how broader society feels and interprets things. Once I started thinking back to a lot of my own experiences, I realized that fighting (in what’s considered “fair” conditions) unfortunately did rectify some situations, and not always in a one-sided or cyclical way, but resolved things for all parties. I still wish it could be done without the potential for scars, but whatever, it did sometimes work out. But definitely not always – sometimes there were really sad outcomes. Like most things in life I feel we both have some valid observations and instincts to chip in toward solutions.
The important thing is the situation of this original post is coming along well. Hopefully the offending kids were just stupid kids and not getting that influence from their folks. And if they were, I hope they feel the glare of the spotlight, and condemnation.